Dead cats. That surely is the image many people conjure up when you mention curiosity. It's an image perpetuated by a dusty old proverb that has long represented the extent of our understanding of the term. We'll never put the proverb to rest but - with the help of Dr. Feelgood and Alice - we'll turn it upside down. We'll learn as we go that, far from killing anything, curiosity breathes new life into almost everything it touches. Curious? Then, join our two friends as they search for the positive in positive psychology. Alice will (as always) ask the questions and Dr. Feelgood will (as always) try to provide the answers.
Become with Alice, a curious explorer in Wonderland -
or is that Sunderland?
ACT ONE:
DR. FEELGOOD MEETS ALICE
TAKE ONE - A CURIOUS EXPLORER
ALICE:
I've heard myself described (although not by Lewis Carroll) as 'a curious explorer' and I wonder what this means and who coined the phrase?
DR. FEELGOOD:
That's easy, Alice, and a good place to begin. A 'curious explorer' is a phrase coined by Dr. Todd Kashdan. Dr. Kashdan is (like me) a positive psychologist and he sees people like you as being comfortable with risk and challenge.
ALICE:
I can see that would really help people live more easily in an unstable and unpredictable world. Is there anything else I should know about Dr. Kashdan?
DR. FEELGOOD:
Yes. Dr. Kashdan is also a writer and his book, Curious?, is regarded as a state-of-the-art blueprint for building lasting, meaningful relationships, improving health, increasing creativity, and boosting productivity.
ALICE:
Bring it on ...
KASHDAN, TODD (2009), Curious? Discover the Missing Ingredient to a Fulfilling Life, New York, pub. Harper-Collins
TAKE TWO - A FULFILLING LIFE
ALICE:
I see that Dr. Kashdan talks about a 'fulfilling life'. All I want is to be is happy. Does the learned Dr. Kashdan also see happiness as the ultimate goal like Aristotle?
DR. FEELGOOD:
Yes. I think he agrees with Aristotle that happiness is what we all seek. He also warns us that even to think about the myriad of choices available to create happiness in today's world is really quite exhausting.
ALICE:
I am inclined to agree. And, it makes we wonder - does the pursuit of happiness even work? Seems a bit simplistic to me.
DR. FEELGOOD:
Like Dr. Kashdan, I believe that, although we must acknowledge the importance of happiness, this must not be to exclusion of all else. People are complex - as you well know, Alice.
ALICE
Yes, Dr. Feelgood. I can imagine myself on an endless treadmill of 'happiness seeking' and never actually feeling all that happy. Does Dr. Kashdan have an answer to my worries?
DR. FEELGOOD:
Dr. Kashan is very wise, my dear. He seems to be advising us to proceed with caution. Instead of constantly trying to be happy, he says, we should focus on building a rich, meaningful life, guided by our core values and interests.
ALICE:
Mmm! I'd heard that the Dalai Lama said, 'the very purpose of life is to seek happiness'. He doesn't seem to be advising caution ...
DR. FEELGOOD:
There seem to be some deep philosophical questions here, Alice. Try this for size and then we'll end the discussion for today. The Dalai Lama is also talking about living a life infused with meaning and embracing with both hands the full range of human experiences - the positive and the negative.
ALICE:
I noticed that cop-out. But, thanks, Dr. Feelgood. I know you're doing your best and you've certainly given me something to think about. I'm off to bed now, but maybe tomorrow we can continue this riveting conversation. I wonder ... do you know anything about a Professor Martin Seligman?
DR. FEELGOOD:
God bless you, Alice. I'll try to dig out a book or two by him. But, I'll leave you will this thought, Professor Seligman is widely seen as the 'Father of Positive Psychology'!
ALICE:
Wow! A celebrity. We've certainly come a long way in a short time - thanks to curiosity. I've met up with Dr. Todd Kashdan, Aristotle, the Dalai Llama, Professor Martin Seligman - and, of course, you. I look forward to the pleasure of your company again tomorrow - with relish. That sounds like happy talk!
Good night - said Alice!
SELIGMAN, E. P. (2002), Authentic Happiness: Using the New Positive Psychology to Realize Your Potential for Deep Fulfillment, London, pub. Nicholas Brealey
TAKE THREE - HAVE A BEAUTIFUL DAY
ALICE:
I've woken up to a Winter Wonderland. I was dreaming of a white Christmas and here it is. Beautiful.
DR. FEELGOOD:
Good Morning, Alice. It's been snowing here, too. Let's have a look at what Professor Seligman has to say about happiness in the present moment. Are you up for it?
ALICE:
Sure thing. Are we going to talk about 'pleasures' - like waking up to snow and loads of it?
DR. FEELGOOD:
Exactly, Alice. 'Pleasures' are what philosophers call 'raw feelings', such as ecstasy, delight and mirth. These are delights that are immediate and come through the senses. But, like the snow, pleasures can disappear very rapidly.
ALICE:
As I grow older, I know I want to savour things more. I want to sit here at the window and take in the snow-laden trees. Sometimes, I think that the speed of modern life and all this technology (like the Internet) means everything goes faster and faster. Has anyone said anything wise about 'savouring'?
DR. FEELGOOD:
Positive psychologists have a lot to say about savouring and about living in the present. You're right in saying we always seem to be trying to do more and more and doing it faster and faster. I think, Alice, we should ask ourselves why go so fast. If it's about saving time, what are we saving time for. My advice to you is 'slow down', savour!
ALICE:
I believe in sharing my pleasures (and thoughts) with other people. I'm not changing the subject when I say 'Dr. Feelgood, my advice to you is have a beautiful day'. Pamper yourself, indulge yourself - maybe do what you like doing best and read ALL DAY.
DR. FEELGOOD:
Thanks, Alice. You've given me permission to curl up on the couch with my new book. I'll tell you what it is later, but end by saying that Martin Selgiman distinguishes 'pleasure' from 'gratification'. For the next few hours, I will be 'in the flow' and totally absorbed ... you should try it sometime. Very gratifying!
ALICE:
Well ... maybe. Each to his own ...
DR. FEELGOOD:
I'm off now, but not before I give you one more famous name, Mihaly Csikzentimihalyi. He is a professor of social science and it was Mihaly who first named and investigated 'flow', the state of gratification we enter into when we feel completely engaged in what we're doing - like reading a good book or sking down a mountain.
ALICE:
Now I know what you're getting at. You're talking about when we do something challenging that requires skill. It's when we have to concentrate and get immediate feedback. Maybe it's when our sense of self vanishes and time, itself, stops. I've had that feeling many times - as you know.
DR. FEELGOOD:
We'll not go into that, Alice, but you've hit the nail on the head re flow. And, by the way, the name 'Csikszentimihalyi' is pronounced "cheeks sent me high". And, I'm not telling porkies. Here's the name of his much acclaimed book on 'flow'. I'm off now.
ALICE:
Maybe, I'll see you later. Once again, 'have a beautiful day'. Sounds to me that you've discovered the key to the good life: doing exactly what you want to do and never wanting it to end.
DR. FEELGOOD:
You've got it. Be creative - that's my short answer - invent your own ways of building more flow into your life. Alice, I really have to go now. My breakfast's here. Sometimes, I experience so much flow ... that I forget eat!
ALICE:
As long as you don't forget to breath.
DR. FEELGOOD
Cheeky!
CSIKSZENTMIHALYI, MIHALY (1997), Finding Flow: The Psychology of Engagement with Everyday Life, New York, pub. Basic Books
20 December 2009
Dr. Feelgood, MAPP
England
Dear Dr. Feelgood
Re: Happiness
What do I say to the folks (loads and loads of them) who think that ‘it’s all in the genes’; that we inherit a fixed amount of the happiness gene from our parents and that’s it.
My question is this, ‘Is it all in the genes?’ Because if that’s the case, we’re just wasting our time looking to increase our happiness (authentic or otherwise) and I might as well just pack my bags and go home.
Sorry to be a party-pooper!
Alice (in Sunderland)
TAKE FOUR - A MUSICAL INTERLUDE
Christopher Robin is Saying his Prayers
ACT TWO:
'CABBAGES AND KINGS'
TAKE ONE: THE 40 PER CENT RULE
24 December 2009
Alice (in Sunderland)
Dear Alice (in Sunderland)
Re: Happiness
It’s true that some of the factors that affect your happiness are fixed like your genes. But STOP. Don’t let yourself sink into depression because the GOOD NEWS is that whatever you inherited from your parents only makes up 50% of your happiness, which leaves the other half to play for!
The other 50% is something you can influence. 10% is determined by your current life circumstances, which if you think about it is pretty minimal. So whether you win on the lottery or lose a job, over the long term it’s only going to have a small impact on your happiness.
So that leaves 40% of your happiness and this is the part which is under voluntary control and which you can increase through intentional activity. Such as practising optimism, savouring, gratitude, meditation, using your strengths, doing things that put you into ‘the zone’ or release endorphins.
Feel better now?
Yours
Dr Feelgood
www.happinesstrainingplan.com
ALICE:
Thank you for your letter; feeling much better; cheered me up no end. That's good news about the 40% rule and 'the zone'. I'm going to digest that with the Christmas turkey. There'll be plenty to talk about re 'The How of Happiness' in the New Year - I warrant! By the way, I wonder if Santa's going to put that CD on the Happiness Training Plan in my stocking?
Nudge, nudge, wink, wink ...
DR. FEELGOOD:
Thanks for that, Alice. You never know. But, before we venture further along that route, here's a pie chart that might clarify things about the quota of happiness under our control. You do know what a pie chart is, don't you?
ALICE:
I'm not stupid! I did go to school. Bring it on and stop messing about.
DR. FEELGOOD:
Just testing. No offence meant. Here it is - something else to give you indigestion. Read the pie chart in conjunction with my letter.
ALICE:
You are so clever.
Thinks:
Some people are a bit too clever for their own good!
DR. FEELGOOD:
I heard that. Let' not quarrel, Alice. It's Christmas. Here's a bit of light relief to take us happily into the New Year. It explains what's coming next ...
"The time has come," the Walrus said,
"To talk of many things;
Of shoes and ships and sealing wax,
Of cabbages and kings.
And why the sea is boiling hot,
And whether pigs have wings." LEWIS CAROLL
ALICE:
Cor! Can't wait.
Thinks:
'Cabbages and Kings.'
I thought Feelgood was teaching about happiness.
Must be losing his marbles.
As they say.
DR. FEELGOOD:
I heard that, too. Read this. If you can ....
LYUBOMIRSKY, SONJA (2007), The How of Happiness: A Practical Guide to Getting the Life you Want, London, pub. Sphere
TAKE TWO: SETTING A NEW SCENE
A Very Merry
Un ... Birthday ... Party
is just a click away
BACK SOON
WITH SOME STRATEGIES FOR FEELING GOOD
